For 55 years, JASON has provided meticulously crafted, artisanal opinions on every topic with new samples often trending on X.com. Ohio-based. Globally feared. Locally misunderstood.
EST. 1970 • OHIO, USA • 55 YEARS OF UNFILTERED TRUTH
Real-time takes on whatever the internet is screaming about today. Updated every 4.7 seconds.
2.3s ago
"The discourse around AI art is just 19th century portrait painters vs photography but with more expensive GPUs."
7.8s ago
"Remote work isn't revolutionary; your grandparents called it 'working from the garden shed' and it came with better snacks."
12.1s ago
"Blockchain is just a database with commitment issues and a marketing degree."
18.4s ago
"Your startup's 'disruption' is just 1998's business model with a darker color palette."
25.7s ago
"The metaverse is just Second Life with a worse user interface and better venture capital."
31.2s ago
"NFTs are just baseball cards for people who don't like baseball or cards."
From analog hot takes to digital nuclear opinions — a timeline of every controversial thing he's ever said.
JASON founded in Los Angeles, CA. First opinion: "The moon landing is just Cold War theater with better special effects." Delivered via mimeograph to 12 subscribers.
"Personal computers are just expensive typewriters for people who can't afford a secretary." Published in BYTE Magazine. Subscription base: 347 angry nerds.
Launched first website: jason.says. "The internet is just CB radio for people with more expensive toys." Traffic: 14 visitors. One was Al Gore.
"Facebook is just a yearbook for people who peaked in high school and never left." First viral opinion. 2.3 million angry reactions.
"Twitter is just a bathroom wall with better typography." Achieved 1M followers. Banned 47 times. Always comes back stronger.
Official Opinion As A Service platform. 55 years of experience, now available as a subscription. Ohio proud. Globally feared.
All opinions are final. No refunds. No apologies. Ohio sales tax applies.
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Ready to get opinionated? JASON is waiting in Ohio.
Basement Level 3
47 Oak Street (your moms house)
Dayton, Ohio 45402
United States
Email: jason@jason.ooo
Phone: +1 (419) 954-0569
Fax: Still accepting faxes (ironically)
Monday - Friday: 9AM - 5PM (EST)
Saturday: By appointment only
Sunday: Reserved for family opinions
For urgent takes that can't wait: +1 (419) 954-0569
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